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flying humour


Simmo W
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I'm not sure realism was something the director was looking for.

 

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  For example, being ex-Navy, I'm painfully aware of the mistakes in "Top Gun", but I still enjoy watching it.  Same with a lot of Irwin Allen's work from many years ago.  If the story and writing are decent, it works.  If they aren't, well, let's not tempt the mods to censor and just say it doesn't.  :P

Edited by whraven
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A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.*He decides, because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty stewardess.So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto : 'To Fly. To Serve'. The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: 'Winning the hearts of the world'. Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: 'Going beyond expectations'.The woman looks at him sternly and says: 'What the f*** do you want?' 'Ah ha!' he says "Qantas".

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In a twin engine plane, when one engine fails, there is always enough power in the remaining engine to get you to the site of the crash.

WestJet pilots have mastered speedlisting, a new form of the landing checklist completed in a minimal amount of time, due to the size of their bounces. 

 

ETOPS: Engines Turning or Passengers Swimming

 

How many pilots does it take to change a lightbulb? One - one to hold the lightbulb and the whole world to revolve around him.

 

At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless.

When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

 

 

 

Q: How do you know if a pilot is at your party?

A: He'll tell you.

 

The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep  the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot starts sweating.

 

The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival.

 

Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

 

The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.

 

(This one is awful) That was quite a bump, and I know what you are all thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault ... It was the asphalt!

 

Enjoy! More on their way as I find them :)

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